When Rejection Stings: Helping Your Child Actor Bounce Back
Let’s be real for a minute: Rejection stinks. Whether it’s missing out on the lead in the school play or not getting that dream role they were so close to landing, it hurts. And when it’s your child facing that disappointment, it can feel like a punch to the gut. I’ve been on both sides of this—first as a child actor and now as someone guiding kids through the ups and downs of Hollywood. So, let’s talk about how you can help your child handle rejection and keep their spark alive, even when the calls just aren’t coming in.
Why Rejection Isn’t Really Rejection (Even Though It Feels Like It)
Here’s the thing most people don’t realize: when your child doesn’t get cast, it’s not because they weren’t good enough. More often than not, it’s because the casting director was looking for something incredibly specific—maybe a different hair color, height, or even a certain type of energy that just wasn’t the right fit this time. Perhaps a lead actor fell through and they had to secure a new actor which threw a wrench into the choices they were leaning towards. There are a million variables. I know it can feel like a personal blow, but trust me, it’s not about your child’s talent or potential.
In fact, the very fact that your child was called in for the audition in the first place is a huge win. It means the casting director saw something special in them. They already believed your child might be the right fit, and that’s worth celebrating! I remember this kid, who was a fantastic actor—he’d get called in a lot but wasn’t booking. It wasn’t until months later that the same casting director who kept passing him over called him in for a new recurring Guest Star role and boom—he got it. The moral? The audition is a success in itself.
Perspective
Bryce Dallas Howard, who you might know from Jurassic World, once shared some advice that her grandmother gave her when she was just starting out: a working actor has to go on 64 auditions before landing one role. Knowing this statistic gave Bryce the clarity to understand that patience and perseverance are essential in this industry. She started counting her auditions and promised herself she wouldn’t get upset until she hit that 64th audition. A year later, she booked her first job. Bryce’s story is a great reminder that rejection is just part of the process.
Turning Rejection into a Learning Experience
One of the best things you can do for your child is to help them see auditions as opportunities to grow, not just as a means to land a role. Remember the kid I mentioned who finally booked that role after months of auditions? Well, instead of letting each “no” discourage him, we used every audition as a mini-performance, a chance to act and get better. We’d break down what worked, what didn’t, and prepare even better for the next one.
Remind your child that every audition is like a fun mini-performance. It’s a chance to step into another character, to show their talent, and to enjoy the process of their craft. And who knows? Even if this role wasn’t meant to be, the casting director might remember them for something else down the road.
As Susan Sarandon wisely said, “Rejection is a way of life if you’re an actor…The more rejection you get, the more you start to live without expectation, and that’s when things surprise you and come your way.”
Dealing with the Dreaded “No Auditions” Phase
Let’s talk about those dry spells when it feels like the phone just isn’t ringing. They happen to everyone—even the big stars have stories about months or years where they didn’t get a single audition. I’ve had parents call me in a panic, worried their child’s career is over before it’s even started. But here’s the deal—these quiet times are golden opportunities in disguise.
Use this time wisely. Is your child’s resume up to date? Could they use some extra coaching to sharpen their skills? Maybe it’s time to work on a passion project—shoot a short film at home, start a YouTube channel, or just keep honing those acting muscles. My mom always said, “When life hands you a break, take it. Rest, refocus, and get ready to come back stronger.” Smart lady, my mom.
Losing the Role at the Last Minute: A Gut Punch, But Not the End
Ah, the heartbreak of getting so close—maybe even having the role in the bag—only to have it slip away. I’ve been there, too. I remember auditioning for a film when I was 11 that I was sure I knocked out of the park. I walked out of the audition room feeling like I’d already made it. My agent got incredible feedback and two callbacks soon followed. Well after that, weeks passed, and then… nothing. They went with someone else. My young heart was shattered.
Before landing HIgh School Musical: The Series
Joshua Bassett recalled getting really frustrated with Hollywood after getting "really close" to landing roles before finding out someone else got the job. "It was, like, audition after audition of me getting really close to things," he told Access Hollywood. "I was just getting really frustrated, and I remember telling my dad, 'The joy of [acting] is gone. I don't enjoy it anymore. It's not something I want to do.' And he [was] like, 'You've gone this far, why don't you just wait it out a month?' And I was like, 'OK, fine.' ... I was ready to quit that day." About a month later, he auditioned for his breakout role of Ricky Bowen on High School Musical: The Musical: The Series.
Also, teach your child that building a strong relationship with the casting director is more valuable than a single booking. If your child makes a good impression, stays professional, and shows that they’re fun to work with, that casting director will remember them. I’ve seen kids get cast in roles years after their first audition because the casting director kept calling them back in. And eventually the role they just knew the kids were right for appeared. Those bookings come from when preparedness meets opportunity.
Building Resilience Together
Rejection isn’t just about not getting a role; it’s about what happens next. And as a parent, you’re the most important part of that “next.” Here’s how you can help your child bounce back stronger every time:
1. Lead by Example: Kids learn how to handle disappointment by watching you. Show them how you deal with setbacks in your life. Talk about it, share your feelings, and let them see that it’s okay to be bummed out, but it’s more important to get back up.
2. Encourage a Growth Mindset: My favorite thing to tell young actors is, “You didn’t fail, you just found one way it didn’t work.” Every “no” is a step closer to a “yes.” Help them see that they’re growing, learning, and getting better with each experience.
3. Keep Life Balanced: Acting is amazing, but it’s not everything. Encourage your child to explore other hobbies, spend time with friends, and just be a kid. This balance will help them keep things in perspective and not let rejection define them.
4. Know When to Get Extra Help: If you notice your child is really struggling—losing sleep, becoming withdrawn, or overly anxious—it might be time to talk to a professional. There’s no shame in getting extra support to help them navigate these tough emotions.
5. Make Auditions Fun: Encourage your child to treat each audition as an exciting chance to perform. Remind them that it’s an opportunity to share their talent with professionals who want to see them shine. If they can enjoy the process, the outcome becomes less daunting.
Rejection is tough, but it’s also part of the journey. With your support, your child can learn to handle these setbacks with grace and come out stronger on the other side. Remember, every “no” is one step closer to the right “yes.” And who knows? That perfect role might be just around the corner.
Share With Us…
I’d love to hear from you—how do you help your child deal with rejection? Share your stories and tips in the comments below. And don’t forget to check out our resources for parents and young actors, including our online classes designed to help your child shine in every audition.
FAQ
Q: What should I do if my child takes rejection really hard?
A: Start by validating their feelings—rejection hurts! Then, help them reframe the experience as a learning opportunity. If they continue to struggle, consider talking to a counselor who specializes in working with young performers.
Q: How can I keep my child motivated during long dry spells?
A: Use the downtime to sharpen their skills, work on creative projects, or explore other interests. Remind them that these phases are temporary and part of the journey.
Q: What’s the best way to celebrate small wins, like getting a callback?
A: Celebrate the effort and progress, not just the result. A fun outing or a special treat can make your child feel valued and remind them that every step forward is a success.
Remember, this journey is a marathon, not a sprint. With the right mindset and a strong support system, your child can thrive in the world of acting, no matter how many rejections come their way.
